At 33 weeks pregnant with Will & Maya, we knew a cesarean birth was not out of the question. At my regular doctors visit, the sonogram showed that Will was IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restricted). There was a 2 pound difference between them. That's a lot with our type of twins.
We were sent to see a Perinatal specialist that same day. She looked at all fluid levels and blood flows on sonogram to make sure he had no restrictions. Thankfully he didn't. But we had to start seeing her every Tuesday and then my regular doctor every Friday. By my 34 week visit, Dr. Wortman suggested having the babies delivered between 36 & 37 weeks due to his size. She said it would be in Will's best interest to have a cesarean birth. She was worried what the stress of a vaginal delivery might cause him. With that, we were scheduled for a c-section 3 days later at our appointment with Dr. Allen.
Holy weird!! Picking your child's birth date on a calendar based off of when your doctor is on call is a very strange feeling! It was completely unnatural, but Sean and I had to let it go and realize we were doing what was best for Baby A. We picked Wednesday, January 18. Sean's birthday is August 18 and my mom had all three of her babies on a Wednesday - so it just felt like the right thing to do :)
I tried preparing myself mentally as best as I knew how. I was freaked about the idea of having awake surgery! But I feel like I stayed pretty calm about the whole idea, all things considered. The day before we had to go for pre-op at the hospital. It was nice to hear exactly how the next day would play out. It made me feel better about things. I actually slept like a champ on Tuesday night. Shocking!
Wednesday morning came. We needed to leave the house by 9:30 in order to be at the hospital by 10. Surgery at noon. I took my shower and finished getting packed up. The hardest part was not being able to tell Sid bye that morning. I knew sneaking out was the only way to keep him from melting down. I was ready by 9:15 and I decided to go ahead and slip out into the car while he was distracted by Grammy. Sean came out a few minutes later, only to find me in the form of a great big puddle. I was so sad about not hugging Sid, knowing it would be the last time with him being my only child. I snapped out of it and off we went. I was hoping the drive would go slow, but no such luck. We were arriving at the hospital in no time.
They were ready for me to head back when I arrived. It wasn't long before I was laying in a bed with my gown on getting hooked up to my IV. They had to stick me twice. No fun! I thought the next two hours were going to drag! I hadn't eaten since the night before, and noon felt like an eternity.
It was almost 12 before I even realized it! The nurse came in around 11:15 and said, "Ok - we're all set! We're just waiting on Dr. Allen and as soon as I see her, we'll be wheeling you back!" I acted excited! I was. But before I had time to get control of my brain - it was gone & spiraling out of my control. My emotions were a mess and I began to slightly panic. Sean had run to the bathroom and I was alone with my thoughts. Tears were flowing and thoughts of escape were entering my mind. I felt like I needed out of that room, and fast! Sean came out and reassured me everything was going to be fine and I'd do great. But I was still crying. The anesthesiologist came in next. Her name was Wendy and she was amazing. She calmed me down and told me everything about what she'd be doing. She said she'd need me to not cry so I wasn't jumpy while injecting the spinal. I calmed down. So I thought. Wendy left, and in walked Dr. Allen. Tears! Again!! She snapped me out of it and that's all she wrote. Suddenly I was in the OR.
It all happened so dang fast! I didn't even get a chance to take in the OR before I was sitting on the table hunched over like they showed me for my spinal. It wasn't comfortable, but not bad. I was doing some serious zoning out. Deep breathing, eyes closed, repeating my affirmation that I came up with days before to help me through on delivery day. "Babies, Babies, Babies. I am strong. I can do this." Affirmations are what got me through my natural birth with Sid. Getting in a zone and staying there helps so much. I'm not sure I opened my eyes much once I was laying down and numb. It felt like an eternity, but they finally let Sean in to sit by my side. I felt immediate comfort. I remember apologizing to him for not looking at him! I had to keep my eyes closed and keep the breathing going.
I felt some pulling and tugging and then all of a sudden, baby A was peaking over the drape - screaming his little head off! I burst into tears! We had all been so worried about Will. Seeing him and knowing he was healthy and ok was more than we could've asked for. Best feeling ever.
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| Shooshing my sweet fella. |
A minute later, Maya appeared! She was the snuggliest baby girl I'd ever seen. There they were. Our two precious bundles.
Maya took a little under a minute to start crying, but I was unaware of this. I guess Will's cry was so loud I thought it was both of them. Sean was a bit worried for a minute but soon both babies were doing great and right next to us! It was harder than I thought to hold them. I was still being operated on so I couldn't really hold them. I am thankful for Sean and Wendy, who held them up close to me so I could feel their touch. Heaven.
William Connor, 12:26pm, 4lbs 3oz, 17 3/4" long.
Maya Elizabeth, 12:27pm, 6lbs 6oz, 19" long.
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| I had so many tears in my eyes. My heart was literally bursting! |
Will had to spend 24 hrs in the NICU - but before the end of the day he was doing amazing and already holding his own temperature without the warmer! Maya was able to stay with us.
I was in recovery for 2 hours after surgery. It wasn't a fun few hours. I was extremely nauseous. So dizzy. It is all a big blur. My mom showed up just before they wheeled me to my room. The timing worked out so that she was able to put Sid down for a nap at home, then Sean's parents came and sat with him until he woke up and my mom could return from the hospital.
When they wheeled me to my room, the motion caused me to get sick. I was so happy to have had my mom there. I quickly yelled for her that I was about to be sick, and she was there in a flash with a bag for me. Phew. I felt better afterwards, but it wasn't until the next day that the nausea went away.
We had to stay in the hospital for 3 nights. I was up walking by early Thursday morning. That felt amazing, considering with Sid, it was days before I was actually up walking!
We were loving our bonding time with Maya, but I was so desperately ready for Will to join us.
We just didn't feel complete without him. It broke my heart that he didn't get his mama. Sean was amazing though and went and visited him often.
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| Sean sent me this picture while he was in the NICU holding him. |
Around noon on Thursday I was able to walk myself into the NICU and hold my tiny Will for the first time. And! Nurse him! Will was so tiny I honestly was afraid of holding him. But I got used to it and now can't imagine anything different. He was released from the NICU shortly after my visit. By 2ish that afternoon, we were all together in our room. I got my special, skin-to-skin connection that I'd been dreaming of with my two babies. Heaven.
That night was the first night that felt complete. We were finally all together in our room. We were definitely missing our sweet Sid, but were enjoying our bonding time with our new little loves.
My mom brought big brother Sid up to meet the babies on Friday. Oh my goodness! Seeing my THREE children in one room - surreal. Sid was so excited. He was just so sweet and kind. He wanted to hold them and did such a great job. After a few minutes though, he was distracted with the new truck that the babies gave him ;) When they left, we told Sid we would be back home in the morning with the babies!! That seemed to be ok with him and he went home with excitement for the next day.
We were released before noon on Saturday. We were home bound and feeling great!! My mom and Sid had soup on the stove, flowers for us and a cute sign they'd made together, welcoming us home. It felt so good. Warm, cozy, and just perfect. My sweet family of 5. Together. Healthy and happy, with our favorite Grammy on the side :)
